it is something

i was walking home from friday dinner when i was suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling that i lived in the most beautiful city in the world. my neighbourhood is densely populated, full of tiny, pedestrian only streets of stone, full of little gardens and blue and green gates and shutters, basked in sun during the day and shadows at night. i've learned where all the jasmine trees are, and i can smell them from blocks away. it's the end of summer and the nights are cool and still. on friday night, the first night of succot, the moon was full and bright, lighting the starless sky, solitary. everyone's succahs were up, assembled on balconies or on the street, white boxes, lit from within, like giant glowing white lanterns.

sometimes i like when nothing happens. inventing choice and opportunity, sometimes out of boredom. waiting, thinking, using time to think up ideas, spend time with people and make things in a totally unrestricted way. anyway i got all positive a few months ago and some how, all of that has sort of created all this opportunity, in like, a bunch of areas in my life. it's kind of caught me by surprise though and i'm apprehensive. i mean, it's what you want; opportunity, chances, offers... but with it, obviously, comes the possibility of failure, messing things up, letting people down, being overwhelmed by choice and then making no choices, or letting choices make themselves. so i guess i should work on that. although honestly, these aren't the jobs i want. i love what i studied and i wish i was doing things i was qualified to do. i mean, a job's a job, and it's a good thing to have, and as much as i love jerusalem right now, i don't feel like this is the place where i'll be able to develop my career in the ways i really want to. i don't know. ok that's all. some cow moved my wet laundry from the line so i guess i should just use the dryer at the laundromat. ugh i never thought i'd be wishing for my own laundry.
  • Current Music
    el perro del mar

***

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Family: I salute you, tearfully
Say this daily
Cradled in sturdy wood, clean cotton, good air
You put them here: me, these things
I accept with:
Firm jaw
Swell in the heart
The wet eye salute
Apology
  • Current Music
    field mice

need to

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*haven't posted in ages
*still living in jerusalem
*on some kind of positive, happy kick which is feeling sort of sustainable
*sort of just "want to get married"
*but don't even have someone who likes me, or that i like. i don't even have a crush or anything, although i did for a while a little bit ago
*figuring out work situation
*trying to draw/write/make things semi-regularly, sort of want to start painting again
*growing hair out
*starting podcast again this week
*haven't been to the movies since melbourne
*bought some saul bellow today. also reading camus. fancy, i know.
  • Current Music
    washed out

keep it close

hey everyone! long time no blog, i know. it's because now i live in israel.

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for a little while, at least.

anyway i was at this playground yesterday and all the play equipment was like, versions of grownup gym equipment:
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blogworthy, i thought.

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  • Current Music
    bat for lashes